how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
