Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
