She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
