6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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