If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ladies don't puke and tell
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
