I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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