I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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