Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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