Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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