Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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