she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
