Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
