Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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