thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
