so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
