meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
