i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
