He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
