I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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