I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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