they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
