How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
