wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
