mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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