You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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