Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
