your parents love me but you hate me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
