We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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