Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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