I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Randomize
