i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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