I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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