they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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