just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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