I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
