Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
