I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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