Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
