Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
