My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
