just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
