She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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