It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
soo... how was my night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
