It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize