i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
