I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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