I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
