Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im at strip club and am horny
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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