i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
