Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
