And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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