The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
